Por Flavor

“Please” a word which spells the most basic of manners. Most of us were taught this along with one of our first words uttered. Somehow, it’s perceived an aberration especially when it’s to be used on someone below your equal. I have never understood that.

I have grown up in a home where manners were imposed with sharp knuckle raps or in extreme cases, sent off to sleep without dinner. My grandparents were sticklers for good manners and Pleases and Thank Yous (Sorrys too!) formed a part of our daily vocabulary. It trickled down to the parents who were quite emphatic about proper and timely show of manners and I am quite blessed that it was imposed upon so strictly.

Living / travelling abroad these basic manners are a lot more pronounced. You hear them being used everywhere and it’s looked down upon should one lack the inclination to use these magic words judiciously. When I would get back from my travels the words would stick out like a sore thumb – why? Because they were rarely used!

‘Please’ comes naturally to me – be it while addressing the house help, people, serving staff, family or friends. It would form a part of my sentence for anything and everything I needed, including asking for bhel puri from the local street food vendor (“Bhaiyya ek bhel dena please!”). Our language allows this word to be used as a polite inclusion while speaking. In the normal course of communicating I would thank the sommelier at a fine dine when he refilled my wine glass (sometimes even mid-sentence speaking with my fellow diners) as much as I would exercise the same with the server refilling my water glass at an udipi. It was awkward when fellow diners would thank the fine-dine guy but not even acknowledge the udipi server. I noticed this with generic consistency across board.

I never thought about this before, not even at professional interactions. When I was working a 9-5 many years ago, 80% of my interactions with the bosses were a one way street. Manners were usually orders and we had to succumb to being polite through gritted teeth. Even today, when I step into an office the environment is palpable with the usual chaos associated with high-energy places, but the one thing missing is basic manners. From having people wait endlessly and not diffusing it with a ‘sorry’ to the absence of the word ‘please’ when asked to sit down (the next time when in an office environment observe carefully, you will notice it too, it’s more of an order – ‘have a seat’).

Why the disparity? Where have basic manners disappeared? I tire myself trying to reason with the fact that we are not polite enough as humans and take certain actions for granted. The reaction to this action went unnoticed before I started seeing the difference in situations when people were polite vis-à-vis lacked basic manners.

Situation Polite:

Walking into the aircraft of an international flight – smiled and greeted the staff ushering you to your seat, thanking them when they assist you with your luggage. This exchange is usually followed by “are you comfortable” or the least ‘a smile’. Through the course of the flight I am usually addressed by Mr. Merchant, given an extra bottle of my preferred liquor when asked for, down to the little things of getting an extra snack without question (on long haul flights, trust me, you need all the food and service you can).

Situation Impolite:

Same flight, a man right behind me, pushes his way forward while I am just about entering. I let him pass (with a look of disdain at another flight staff who exchanged glances). Finds his seat (which is two seats ahead of me), realizes his overhead storage is full and asks the flight staff to dump his luggage elsewhere (without so much as a thank you), seats himself. I noticed his call button light remained unanswered several times in the course of the flight, he did not get the meal he wanted, he had to keep getting up to satiate his liquor cravings (including a point in time when they politely said they would bring it, and it never showed up probably cause he was also slurring) and pretty much being an uncomfortable journey for him. At the end of the flight, as you can guess, he was the first to get up from his seat (while the airline was taxiing) and was sternly asked to take his seat again. Eventually pouting like a spoilt child.

Point of the above two situations apart from being taken care of and having a decent service experience was the unfortunate fact that all he needed to do was be polite and his journey would have been fairly less cumbersome. All that angst, hunger, discomforts were so unnecessary.

Now imagine this situation recreated in different circumstances with different people in everyday life. Your show of politeness automatically upgrades the level of response you would potentially receive and a pleasant exchange leaves both parties better off and in good taste.

I may come across as preachy, but I have been noticing how taken-for-granted ‘exchanges’ in our times. The days of communicating with polite interludes is somehow being dumbed down with us. If we don’t pull up our socks and rein in communication using basic manners, the next generation is going to land up being uncouth and dismissive rendering a snowball effect on how people communicate and interact (or maybe it’s already happened!)

I got cooking while introspecting on this thought (these random thoughts occur when am with my pots and pans). It all started with me creating something for a friend who had invited me over for dinner. It is ingrained in me never to go empty handed when visiting someone at home, especially when invited. It’s more of a thank you rather than a formal ritual. The challenge usually arises when the hosts personal tastes and choices overshadow the desire to take something random. What does one do in a situation like this? I like to get as closely personal as I can and the gift of cooking comes handy at times like these. I love taking stuff which is homemade – it can be preserves, jams, spice mixes or even baked goodies like cookies and cakes. Rather than buying foodstuff from outside a small creation goes a long way. One such dish stands out beyond most others (especially given the versatility of it). Salted Toffee Sauce is my favourite creation. It’s easy to put together, looks sinful in a jar which can be prettied up and I usually affix a small recipe card with uses of this sauce. This Salted Toffee Sauce is a delightful combination of sweet with a hint of savoury and is one of the most complimented creations I make.

The next time you want to add that personal touch to your gift, consider trying this one out. Spend that extra half to one hour putting this together; it surely goes a long way.

Make sure you make an extra batch; you will need it for yourself!

Salted Toffee Sauce

(Makes about 1 x 300ml Jar)

Ingredients

• 1 Cup Brown Sugar
• ¼ Cup Water
• ½ Cup Salted Butter
• 200ml Whipping Cream / Fresh Cream
• ½ Tsp Salt
• 1 Tsp Vanilla Powder / Extract

Meathod

• In a deep, heavy bottomed vessel (ideally a bright one) place the sugar and water and heat the mix on a high flame. Do not stir.
• Once the mixture starts boiling, turn down the heat to a medium flame and continue heating without stirring. If you notice the sugar crystallizing on the edges of the vessel keep a bowl with hot water handy and brush the insides of the vessel, close to where the liquid is crystallizing. You have to continue doing this till the sugar is melted and the mixture starts heavily caramelizing.
• Keep the cream to heat on a low flame in another vessel. It should be hot but not bubbling.
• Once you get a deep brown color on the toffee sauce, remove the mixture from the heat and while whisking pour the hot cream in a thin stream. Incorporate. Be careful as both hot liquids will steam and bubble and may rise. Whisk well till it’s emulsified into a cohesive caramel coloured liquid.
• Add the butter and whisk well. Season with salt and add the vanilla.
• Pour into a jar and seal tightly on cooling.
• This can be served warm or kept in the refrigerator for about a month (i.e. if it manages to last that long)

Nonchalant Additions:

You can consider adding one of these additions to spruce it up further. Add any of these additions towards the end and whisk well.

• Orange Zest
• 2 Tsp Instant Coffee Powder
• 2 Tablsp Pure Cocoa Powder

I went through my posts for other gifting ideas and am listing them here so you have a bank of wonderful goodies to create then next time you are short of gifting ideas… Click on the links to be taken to the recipes, I am sure you will find something you love:-

Beer Cupcakes with Caramel Bourbon Glaze

Citrus Thumbprint Cookies

Nonchalant Strawbs-Chilli Jam

Sweet and Spicy Pomegranate Onion Jam

Nutty Pomegranate Cookies

Mulberry Balsamic Preserve

Perfect for Christmas – Christmas in a Jar

Sweet Onion Jam